I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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