yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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