Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
