batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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