My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
