Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
