I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
