Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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