Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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