It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
