You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
