My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
