Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
