well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just tell him i said nine months
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
