woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
