Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
