I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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