Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
