i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.