I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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