eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.