I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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