When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
