I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
