I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
