so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
