oh god the rape fog is back!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
