you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
