Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
