what if every blade of grass was a penis?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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