I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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