i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize