do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
