fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
