Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
