I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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