this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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