Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
