She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
