make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
