yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
