I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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