remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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