I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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