i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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