So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
