i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
