I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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