I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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