Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
