YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
