I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
