I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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