I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
