and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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