Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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