hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
