just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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