i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
