If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
