VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
