forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
