i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
