I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
