Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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