haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
