I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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