I'm eating all of the evidence.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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