why didn't you poke me back
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
