My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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