You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
