Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
