Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
