Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
