so that wasnt chicken after all
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
