there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
