and you said cock pushups were impossible
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
