I wannas sexs uuuuu
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
