I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
