His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
